ARTIST: Jabe Beyer
BIRTHDATE: October 32nd. It was the only one ever.
BIRTHPLACE: Earth. Room 212. 11:08 AM.
AMBITIONS: To combine String Theory, Quantum Mechanics and Quantum Physics with just the right amount of peanut butter, to come up with the one, Unified Theory of Everything. I think I’m close.
TURN-OFFS: Pocketbook puppies, pocketbook puppy owners, Slim Jims, pickles, Jersey Boo-Boo Idol Factor.
TURN-ONS: Popcorn, guitar amp fuzz, foreign accents, aquariums and girls with opinions.
DREAM GIG: Playing in a band with Mitch Hedberg, Tom Waits and Charlie Chaplin.
MY GO TO FEEL-GOOD RECIPE: 1 part Peter Stokkebye Danish Export rolling tobacco, 1 part Tops rolling paper, 2 parts Macallan 12yr. Single Malt scotch, 1 wooden Diamond match. Proceed at a leisurely pace beneath the Montana night sky. Rinse and repeat.
TV ADDICTIONS: the OFF button.
CRAZIEST PERSON I KNOW: That guy living in my mirror.
PETS: There’s this squirrel that hangs out on my neighbor’s fence every morning. He looks at me, twitches his tail “Hello” and won’t leave until I say “Good Morning, Eddie.”
I NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT: A copy of The Devil’s Dictionary, a good hat, and a plan.
I WROTE THIS SONG: on a friend’s right-handed guitar, so all the strings were upside down cuz I play left-handed. It’s like climbing up a ditch. The lower you go, the higher you get.