Song / Lyric Feedback Public Group

Post your song/lyrics and get feedback from fellow members and a pro! Active group moderator Dean Fields is a pro singer/songwriter whose hit songs were produced by Garth Brooks, recorded by Lori McKenna, and performed by Billy Currington. His songs have been #1 on the Texas radio charts, he’s released 6 albums, and performed over 1000 shows.

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active 9 hours, 39 minutes ago
  • (lyrics stuck on a single verse, music is written for verse, chorus, bridge)
    sometimes we realize
    a little too slowly
    how precious the ones we love really are
    ’til silence surrounds us
    without even allowing us
    to whisper the words of our heart

  • Mark Weaver posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 2 days, 7 hours ago

    Day

    Thinking back to that day
    all my troubles seemed so far away.
    Oh, I long for that day.

    Why she had to go, she didn’t say.
    I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.
    Oh, I long for when you were by my side.
    Oh, I long for that day.

    Many days have come and gone.
    Many more will do the same.
    I’d call you, but there’s no way.
    Oh, I long…[Read more]

    • Hey Mark- I like it. Try to keep the point of view the same. If you refer to her as “she” and then switch to “you” it can be confusing. That’s an easy fix.
      Keep posting!
      -Dean

  • @dfields Had a question I wanted to run by you. I have access to the Industry Contact Database, and I have no idea how to approach using it. I know I’m a long, long, loooong, way from that stage, but I hope to have a substantial set of solid songs/lyrics within a year or two. Is there an appropriate protocol to contact these industry folks? Is 20…[Read more]

    • Hey Dave!
      I tend to approach cold contacting industry folks with this in mind: Can I make their job easier? If you have a song that is perfect for TV/film/commercials – especially if it is a specific show or film, contact that gatekeeper and make their job easier by sending them THAT ONE SONG. I’m not yelling, just emphasizing 🙂 If you’ve sent…[Read more]

      • Regarding demos…Make it as easy on them as possible. I had a hold last week on a song that I recorded on my phone. That song didn’t need a demo. And the artist it was pitched to fit that vibe. But there are some songs that need a demo. Especially if you’re pitching for radio.
        Whatever makes your pitch as best as it can be. And whatever makes the…[Read more]

  • I was lost not knowing which way to go
    My feet were worn out from a broken road
    I’ve carried these demons for many miles
    I can’t remember last time I smiled
    I wear my shake like an old T-shirt
    My knees are scarred and covered in dirt
    I kept on prayin you’d set me free
    Wash away my sins and make these blind eyes see

    God pull me from the wreck…[Read more]

    • Shame (not shake)

    • Those are some powerful, truthful lyrics! Thanks for sharing them. You can really visualize the person telling the story.

    • Well done James! Lots of good stuff in there. It sounds like you’re talking to someone other than God until you say “you” here:
      “So here’s my soul for you to claim”
      I kinda like the idea of maybe doing this whole song speaking directly to God. Would take a tweak here and there. But it could make it even more powerful. Play with it if that i…[Read more]

  • ChetHH posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 4 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey Dean,
    OK, I’ll bite on today’s prompt. I’ve got this little song lyric that’d be just right for Todd Snider…

    “Green Tinted Glasses”

    Verse1:
    You can kick me when I’m down but
    You’ll see
    It won’t make much difference
    To me
    It ain’t about submissiveness
    Or given you passes
    It’s just me feelin’ fine
    In my green tinted glasses

    Pre-Cho…[Read more]

  • Songwriting Prompt 3/1:
    Your favorite artist is cutting an album tomorrow! They have 9 songs and they are desperately in need of 1 last song. This is your chance. Write the song they need.
    Can’t wait to check these out. Let us know the artist as well.
    -Dean

    • This morning I jotted down two lines: Are you going to light a match? Or start a fire?
      I thought that may make a good song but had some work to do first.
      When I saw your challenge tonight, I knew this would make a great closing song for a Garth Brooks album. It came together surprisingly fast.

      Light A Match

      Are you going to light a match?
      When…[Read more]

      • Cool John- I like how you started with a hook , connected it to an artist, and ran with it. That’s the point here. Sometimes it gets us off and running and we land somewhere far away from the intended artist. And that’s okay. Especially when you’re just trying to write the best song you can. But when you can zero in on what makes an artist tick…[Read more]

    • Really no idea re the star, but will say the obvious Keith Urban as being representative of Aussie Aussie Oi Oi

      I’m playing here right now for you       Draft      RogersonLB   

      V1

      You know I was once a fan

      Had pictures of Jimmy plastered on my wall

      So got a cheap Strat from the pawn shop

      Plugged it in and finally go…[Read more]

      • Good job Arty-
        I like how you’re getting in the head of an artist on stage. That’s where their money is made. (whenever we get back to shows again). So whenever you can land a song that not only makes the album but works live as well…You’re making mechanical royalties and performance royalties. $$
        If you get the chance this week, you might also…[Read more]

      • Alright, done, bit twee but for a bloke called Zac! Funny started with the Bridge as the chorus but wasn’t going to work

        Empire State of the South        Draft          RogersonLB

        V1

        Wind the window right down

        Along these red cedar lined roads

        Setting sun and begging mockingbirds

        Sure says to me “welcome home” when they’re heard

        [Read more]

      • Oh maybe one for Chris Stapleton as well….

        Nothing to Believe            Draft        RogersonLB

        V1

        Honey summer and elderberry wine

        Taste of your sweet lips kissing mine

        Cant take a breath without wanting you

        Chorus

        Don’t take it all away, there’ll be just me with nothing to believe

        If you leave me now it wont just break my h…[Read more]

      • Good job Arty-
        Love that you started with the bridge. Dan Wilson (great songwriter) said something like “write a chorus. Now make that your verse. And write another chorus.”
        Really dig this line:
        “Setting sun and begging mockingbirds”
        -Dean

      • Cool Arty- I can hear Stapleton in “Nothing to Believe.” I dig the contrast between the verse and chorus. The length of the lines. And the length of the sections in general. It works. I think you can make that Chorus hurt more. Kill me with that hook.
        Won’t take much. Just a tweak here and there. Make us hurt with you.
        Good job
        -Dean

    • This is from @chet-hertz:

      Hey Dean,
      OK, I’ll bite on today’s prompt. I’ve got this little song lyric that’d be just right for Todd Snider…

      “Green Tinted Glasses”

      Verse1:
      You can kick me when I’m down but
      You’ll see
      It won’t make much difference
      To me
      It ain’t about submissiveness
      Or given you passes
      It’s just me feelin’ fine
      In my gree…[Read more]

      • Ha! yes. Love Todd. You’ve captured his snarkiness for sure. Green tinted glasses is a good way to say it. I like that….I say spell it out even more though. Help us get there with you. These lines do it very well:
        “Got a green hazy view as I strike a match”
        and
        “I breathe real deep and I get real free”
        If they were closer to each other and had…[Read more]

    • I’ll bite – This for Robert Earl Keen.

      Ballad of a Drive In Queen
      Sally was a drive in queen, she was quite the sight
      Billy was a bar room bully Looking for a fight
      Sally tended bar at the juke joint way downtown
      She could pour a pint, and she could put ‘em down
      CH
      She was a young man’s fantasy, an older man’s delight
      They called her sexy Sally…[Read more]

      • Love that Fred. Totally a REK vibe. But its all you. Well done. Favorite line:
        “Billy was convicted, they sent him to the chair
        He died one cold wet winter night, Sally wasn’t there”

        Good stuff.
        -Dean

  • Fred Ball posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 6 days, 3 hours ago

    We have a group challenge here and this week’s challenge is a “Bar or drinking song”. Here is my offering.

    Day Drinking

    August sun in Key West town, too hot to even think
    Ducked inside at Schooner Wharf to grab a mid-day drink
    Ran into a bunch of friends, we all thought just the same
    To go to work on a day like this would be a cryin’ shame…[Read more]

  • Eric Spahn posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 6 days, 5 hours ago

    https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/JSHPyQMkANg3ddqm7

    “Empty Oasis”

    Eric Spahn

    Intro: G EM D C

    Verse 1: EM C G EM C G D

    Em. C
    I’ve been hidin out, in this bar all day
    G
    Taken up shelter from this damn rain
    Em
    That hasn’t stopped, Since y…[Read more]

  • Greg Allen posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 6 days, 8 hours ago

    Hi. Just joined American Songwriter. I’d like to post one of my lyrics for y’alls thoughts. Thanks, Greg Allen
    Broken
    Greg Allen, 6/7/19
    Broken
    Like the San Andreas Fault right through my heart
    Open
    Like an open wound that’s tearing my soul apart

    Chorus
    Simple things are simple, but love’s not one of those
    How to fix things that are bro…[Read more]

  • Not sure you should compare a lover with a dog!!!

    When we got close see ran Draft RogersonLB

    V1

    Back when I was just a kid

    Sally our lab got out the yard

    We chased her for miles

    Must have thought it was a game

    .

    Chorus

    When we got close she ran

    Out of reach far away

    Waiting and calling her name out late

    Knowing she’ll…[Read more]

  • Arty Redsocks posted an update in the group Group logo of Song / Lyric FeedbackSong / Lyric Feedback 1 week ago

    The one the song below interrupted…

    And Me of Course.           Draft.          RogersonLB
    .
    V1
    Know some out there
    Live a love forever more
    But what happens when
    You find there are two of them
    .
    Chorus
    Got to choose I know
    means two get hurt when I make the choice
    one of them and me of course
    means two get hurt when I make the choice
    one o…[Read more]

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