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Kat Edmonson: Songs From the Borderland of Childhood and Adulthood

When Kat Edmonson sang at the Winter Jazzfest in Manhattan in January, she was a pixie figure in a bright-red, pixie haircut. Just over five feet tall in her black heels, black tights and short black dress sprouting red and white flowers, she was a slender, elfin presence at the microphone. But when she sang, she mesmerized the room with her silky high soprano. She didnโ€™t sing loudly, but even at the top of her range, she sang with a precision of pitch and a clarity of emotion that commanded attention.

Her range is so high, in fact, that thereโ€™s often a girlish quality to her voice. No dummy, the Texas singer-songwriter uses that genetic accident to explore both sides of the boundary between childhood and adulthood. Her own composition, โ€œToo Late To Dream,โ€ the spark for her terrific new concept album, Dreamers Do, examines the traumatic crossing of that border. โ€œTell me, little star,โ€ she sings in voice that’s innocent one moment and wounded the next, โ€œhave I come too far? Have all these dreams only been just that: just dreams?โ€

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โ€œI know I have childlike qualities,โ€ she confides over the phone from her current home in Brooklyn. โ€œI donโ€™t know if it helps me, but I use it, and Iโ€™m entirely conscious of it. At the same time, I was a precocious little kid who seemed older than she was. I liked conversing with adults and hanging out with adults. So Iโ€™ve always been aware of myself as a small package with a high voice. I know how I come across.โ€

She recorded โ€œToo Late To Dreamโ€ for her 2018 album, Old Fashioned Gal, but ultimately she left it off. The song’s unsettling questions didnโ€™t fit with the other tracks in that concept album about the allure of an older world as depicted in vintage movies and musicals. This tune was too closely connected to her own life in the problematic modern world.

Sheโ€™s been on the brink of stardom so many times. She recorded with Lyle Lovett and appeared in Woody Allen’s Cafรฉ Society. She had a deal with Sony Masterworks Records and worked with big-name producers such as Phil Ramone and Mitchell Froom. Sheโ€™s never gotten over the hump, and at 36, she wonders if she will. 

โ€œโ€˜Too Late To Dreamโ€™ asks that question: Is there a point where it’s too late to follow a dream?โ€ she explains. โ€œIt expressed all the self-doubt I was feeling, whether I was relevant to anything: to society, to the music business, to the sea of other voices. It asked if I had permission to keep goingโ€”or does there come a point in life when itโ€™s too late to follow a dream? I was still asking that question and seeking an answer. I went looking in the music from my childhood, the songs from a lot of Disney movies. 

โ€œThat’s where I learned that if you have a dream, you should follow it and it will come true–that’s the overarching message of all those films. I got real inspired and started thinking of ways to interpret that music. I discovered something in the process that led me to an answer. I realized the reason Iโ€™d begun to struggle was I had established expectations of what realizing my dream would look like, that it would be a means to something else, more money, more attention. I realized that the act of dreaming is its own reward.โ€

On the album, she sings the song with her regular jazz combo supplemented by a chamber orchestra. Quietly but compellingly, she wistfully recalls her younger self, who believed โ€œwhatever I could dream was meant to be.โ€ By the end of the song, after an orchestral interlude, she’s asking, โ€œAm I caged by my age? Have I read the last page?โ€ Her โ€œadult voiceโ€ sings a duet with her โ€œchild voiceโ€ in a dizzying, overdubbed dialogue that weโ€™ve all had between our present selves and our younger selves.

That song sparked an album filled with songs about dreamingโ€”from the most optimistic fantasy to the scariest nightmare. She sequenced the numbers so they traced the arc of a single night, from drifting off to sleep and into dreamland to being awakened by dead-of-night noises and worries to drifting off once again. The theme of โ€œToo Late To Dreamโ€ is echoed in the unaccompanied voice/guitar duet with Bill Frisell, โ€œThe Age of Not Believing.โ€ Instrumental bridges connect many of the songs. 

โ€œIt takes place over the course of a night,โ€ she explains, โ€œas we go in and out of different dream states. At the time I was working on this, I was having dreamless nights, and Iโ€™d never had trouble sleeping before. But now I was waking up in the middle of the night asking the big questions.โ€

Her original composition, โ€œSomeoneโ€™s in the Houseโ€ begins with an ominous upright bass figure and Edmonson responds, โ€œWhat was that noise?โ€ Before long, she’s asking, โ€œIs someone in the house?โ€ An alto sax solo and a tinkly piano only heighten the singer’s paranoia. Here’s the dark side of dreaming: when youโ€™re open to new sensations, you can easily imagine the worst as well as the best.

โ€œI wanted to show what it feels like when we embark in pursuit of a dream,โ€ she says. โ€œIt’s the unknown. We donโ€™t know where weโ€™re headed. We have an idea of what weโ€™re looking for, but we donโ€™t know how to get there. Itโ€™s exciting, but itโ€™s scary, and both of those things are thrilling. I wanted to show the power of stepping out in blind faith in a new direction for the first time. You canโ€™t follow anyone elseโ€™s path for your dream. So itโ€™s a courageous act, and that’s because thereโ€™s a real risk.โ€

To reinforce that sense of entering strange and unsettling territory whenever we dream, Edmonson added West African kora and South Asian tabla to โ€œWhen You Wish Upon a Star,โ€ turning Jiminy Cricket’s big number in the movie Pinnochio from a lullaby to an exotic exploration. In similar fashion, she added the Chinese fiddles, the pipa and erhu, to โ€œGo to Sleepโ€ from the movie Babes in Toyland

โ€œI did feel a loss of innocence over the past few years,โ€ she admits, โ€œdue to dashed hopes and a longing for things that didnโ€™t happen. But now Iโ€™m no longer heartbroken, because that’s part of dreaming too. Knowing that, Iโ€™m quite comfortable and full of wonder about the unknown; Iโ€™m eager to pursue my dreams and see what happens without adhering to certain expectations about whatโ€™s supposed to happen. Iโ€™m becoming super-aware of the places where Iโ€™m closed off from curiosity. Iโ€™m paying more attention to those and nudging myself to become more curious about them.โ€

She wrote her first song when she was nine years old, living in Houston with her single mom. From the beginning, sheโ€™s had an unusual approach: Because she doesnโ€™t play an instrument (many times she’s tried to learn piano, but it never sticks), she writes by imagining wordless melodies and singing them to herself until she remembers them. She still remembers almost all of them.

โ€œWhen the music comes,โ€ she says, โ€œa feeling always comes with it, then I discover the topic later. The music has so much space in it that has to be filled with words. It’s like a crossword puzzle that you fill in the squares. I know what vowel sounds might accompany those notes, so I start sorting through the words that might fit the meaning. On โ€˜Someoneโ€™s in the House,โ€™ for example, the feeling of the music was mysterious, playful, angsty, but I didnโ€™t know what it was going to be about. Maybe it would be a political song. Or a song of suspicion, but I didnโ€™t know what it was suspicious about. But when I decided to use the song in this record, I knew exactly what it was about.โ€

When she performed at the Winter Jazzfest in January, she sang an unusually understated, spellbinding version of George Gershwin’s โ€œSummertime,โ€ but just as striking was her original composition โ€œLuckyโ€ from her 2012 album, Way Down Low. This song anticipated the new album with its declaration that โ€œLife is just a dream, lucky you, lucky, lucky me.โ€ As she sang, a smile crept across her face, a sneaky pleasure in knowing life can be an ongoing probing of possibilities as long as disappointment never derails our curiosity.