Lizzy McAlpine Searches for Guilt on New Single “Pushing It Down and Praying”

Lizzy McAlpine called her latest studio album Older. There’s also a deluxe edition of the album called Older (and Wiser) that dropped Friday (October 4).

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“Pushing It Down and Praying” is the first single from the deluxe edition, and it proves that just because one gains wisdom with age, it doesn’t remove the chaos of ecstasy and despair of falling in and out of love. On the acoustic track, the Philadelphia native struggles to move on in a vulnerable moment.

A Guilty Conscience

The 25-year-old singer struggles to move on in a new relationship. She’s thinking of an ex while sharing her bed with a new lover.

I’m in bed, laying down, naked
He’s inside of me
I love him, kiss his mouth, praying
He can’t see what I see

“Pushing It Down and Praying” echoes McAlpine’s “Erase Me.” A new partner slowly erases the memory of her ex. The intimacy McAlpine writes about is the memory of the person actively fading. It’s the action of someone who once occupied a profound existence in her life, becoming like a ghost.

When I close my eyes
You replace him
Wearing no disguise
You erase him

During the chorus, McAlpine wants to feel guilty for moving on. But she can’t find peace from the lingering heartbreak of a past, failed relationship. There’s also the thought of whether the new person will last. Or is this just a stopgap between partners?

Getting Older

Older documents McAlpine navigating growing older and the painful experiences that go with it. The songs are folk-pop meditations on relationships—the beginnings and endings, the people who come and go, and the grief accompanying love lost.

Her third album follows Five Seconds Flat (2022) and her breakout hit “Ceilings.” That song went viral on TikTok with video clips of young women running in the rain to reveal the song’s plot twist.

On the title track to Older, McAlpine sings, I wish I knew what the end is. She’s longing for clarity, a pathway through life’s messy moments. But the heavy grief of heartbreak is just the lasting memory of something that was once beautiful. You can’t have one without the other.

Hiding in Plain Sight

“Pushing It Down and Praying” ends with McAlpine avoiding a persistent question. Does she long for her ex? Will she avoid the uncomfortable question unless a friend brings it up as the chorus implies? She’s desperate to hide her true feelings from her current lover so she buries it deep and prays he won’t notice.

I wanna know peace again
Wanna be singing a different song
It’s only a question
If somebody brings it up

Still, her guilt happens on multiple levels. She’s preoccupied while making love, and that creates a distance. But the distance is more than her wandering thoughts. Right now, she’s in the past. With someone else. Not physically, but her ex still consumes her.

Gaining knowledge with age doesn’t make life easier. It only teaches you how much you still don’t know.

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