Joe Jackson is known for vibrant, emotional hits like “Is She Really Going Out with Him?” “Breaking Us in Two,” and the new wave-ish “Steppin’ Out,” the latter two songs from his 1982 hit album Night and Day. That seminal release also includes a piano-driven, violin-laced ballad that didn’t manage to get quite as much attention but was way ahead of its time. “Real Men” is a song exploring the idea of masculinity—what it means to be a man, the idea of different gender orientation, and getting past the male stereotypes that society presents to us.
Videos by American Songwriter
Pushing Back Against the Norms
Jackson’s performance in the song is truly heartfelt as he engages with the idea of what it means to be a man. It has been said that the Night and Day album was a tribute to Cole Porter and his view of New York, and that “Real Men” was referencing the city’s gay culture (which became more prominent in the wake of the six-day Stonewall Uprising in 1969 against police repression and discrimination at the Stonewall bar in New York’s West Village).
The lyrics for “Real Men” paint a pretty clear picture of what Jackson was contemplating.
Take your mind back, I don’t know when
Some time when it always seemed to be just us and them
Girls that wore pink and boys that wore blue
Boys that always grew up better men than me and you
What’s a man now? What’s a man mean?
Is he rough or is he rugged?
Is he cultural and clean?
Now it’s all changed, it’s got to change more
‘Cause we think it’s getting better
But nobody’s really sure
And so it goes, go ’round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are
In a 2001 interview with The Irish Independent about his memoir, Jackson revealed that his marriage to a woman named Ruth had ended, and that he has been dating a man for a few years. He discussed how he had acknowledged being bisexual for his whole life, adding to a retrospective subtext of the song. Growing up in Portsmouth, England, he got out of sports as a kid to avoid being bullied on the field for his lack of athleticism, then got bullied for playing violin. He loved girls too, but they generally treated him as if here asexual or gay and liked him as their safe friend. He identified with Beethoven because he felt they were both misfits.
Jackson told the Independent that he had “always been fluid, in-between, never made any big decision about it,” he says. “In fact, even when I decided, with [early girlfriend] Jill, ‘I must be straight,’ it wasn’t that I felt it’s better to be straight than gay. Even from an early age I didn’t see anything wrong with being who you are. I just didn’t know who I was. Sexually. But now that I’m in my 40s, certain things seem obvious that didn’t before. I think I was always bisexual, which I also think is a very natural thing to be. And my problems were not so much within myself as ‘How am I going to fit in with other people? Or find a partner, be perceived and work this out in the world?’ I had no problem being what I was. It was just the question of other people having a problem with that.”
A Video-Enhanced Message
Seemingly inspired by what Jackson just described, the video for “Real Men” reflects its theme with a young boy who befriends a young girl after three boys bully her with a slingshot. In their childhood, they often watch TV and see macho movie stars like Humphrey Bogart and John Wayne who embodied a certain type of rugged masculinity back in the mid-20th century. When the childhood friends become young adults, he sees two men flirting and begins to contemplate his own sexuality. When he tries to kiss his childhood friend, she rejects him, then goes at a diner to flirt with three macho bikers. He drives off, drinking excessively in his depression, and unintentionally rides off the edge of a cliff. And in the end, she cries at the scene of the accident, regretting the way she treated him.
The interesting thing about the video and the song is it came about at a time when the New Wave movement was creating a more androgynous and gender fluid look for men and women. The glam rock movement of the early ‘70s spawned a new look in the ‘80s and also influenced the hair band movement that would come along by the middle of the decade. Despite this, the ‘80s were still very much a time of macho stereotypes for men and feminine stereotypes for women. Some brave artists were trying to change all of that.
The video for “Real Men” was probably the only example of a video that any young MTV viewer would have seen back then that showed two men flirting, no one harassing or bullying them, and no judgment made about who they were. The bikers do look at the young protagonist with disdain but do not come up to him. And the tragic ending to the video underscores the fact that some people felt they were being forced into a traditional gender role simply because society dictated it.
Another Song Connection
Night and Day also includes the song “Always Breaking Us in Two.” Looking back, the lyrics seem to indicate something about Jackson’s struggles with his sexuality earlier in life.
Don’t you feel like trying something new
Don’t you feel like breaking out
Or breaking us in two
You don’t do the things that I do
You want to do things I can’t do
Always something breaking us in two
You and I could never live alone
But don’t you feel like breaking out
Just one day on your own
Why does what I’m saying hurt you
I didn’t say that we were through
Always something breaking us in two
Perhaps he was trying to open things in a past relationship? Or was considering the possibility?
A Lasting Legacy
Jackson’s debut single and video for Night and Day, “Real Men” did not chart in America and barely charted in the UK, but it managed to go Top 10 in Australia and Top 20 in the Netherlands. The album fared well, becoming one of two Jackson releases to sell half a million copies.
But the song’s impact has been longer lasting. More people have recognized how important and ahead of its time the song really was. Not to mention that in the age of gender fluidity, and the conservative pushback against it, the track is as relevant as ever.
Tori Amos closed out her 2001 covers album Strange Little Girls with her rendition of “Real Men,” which she has played live a couple of dozen times since then.
In a 2001 interview with Windy City News, Amos talked about including the song on that album: “At one point, it was starting the record, but then it was like, ‘No, that’s not how the record should start. There’s nothing that can follow it.’ It became the heart of the record, really. Don’t call me a faggot / Not unless you are a friend is the obvious one for your readers. That song has always been such a mantra for tolerance. What really struck me was the line, You can wear the uniform / And I can play along. I kind of cocked my head on that one. I giggle. If there’s war between the sexes / there’ll be no people left.”
Featuring poignant and personal lyrics, and unencumbered by an overt ‘80s sound, “Real Men” remains a timeless classic with a message that still resonates today.
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Photo by David Redfern/Redferns
