If you lived through the ‘80s, you know that listening to the radio meant that you were never too far from a heart-rending, male-female duet. You can probably rattle some of the songs off the top of your head: “Endless Love,” “Almost Paradise,” “Baby, Come to Me.” And, of course, “Separate Lives,” courtesy of Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin.
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What does “Separate Lives” mean? What songwriter/actress breakup inspired it? And how did the relatively unheralded Martin end up singing the song with the megastar Collins? We’ll answer all those questions, even though, according to the song, you have no right to ask?
A Painful Separation
Singer/songwriter Stephen Bishop delivered several charting singles in the second half of the decade, most notably the 1977 smash “On and On.” In the ‘80s, he moved on to success with movie songs, including both those he wrote and those he performed. You might remember “It Might Be You” from the Tootsie soundtrack, as one example.
Bishop struck up a romantic relationship with Karen Allen, the actress who was on a hot streak in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s in movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark, Starman, and National Lampoon’s Animal House. (Bishop also appeared in Animal House as the folk singer who gets his guitar violently smashed by John Belushi’s Bluto).
When the relationship ran its course, Allen called to check and see how Bishop was feeling. That played right into a key line of the song that Bishop would write about the breakup: You have no right to ask me how I feel. Bishop explained to Songfacts how the director of the 1985 drama White Nights came calling looking for a song:
“I had already met with (White Nights director) Taylor Hackford and so the song was a combination of what I was going through at the time and stuff from the movie. It was his choice to pick Phil Collins to sing it.”
Marilyn’s Moment
Collins recorded a version of “Separate Lives,” but somewhere along the line it was decided that the song would work better as a duet. The common practice at that time would have been to seek out one of the top female artists of the day. But instead, Martin, a 21-year-old who had just signed a recording deal after paying her dues as a backup singer, received the call.
Martin spoke to this author for the book Playing Back the ‘80s: A Decade of Unstoppable Hits, and explained how she was able to overcome her nervousness to deliver an outstanding performance alongside Collins:
“The first time I heard ‘Separate Lives’ it took my breath away. It’s not often that you hear such a beautifully crafted, lyrically heartfelt song. Phil’s vocal was completely mesmerizing, and the thought of replacing even a word with my voice to create a duet was incredibly intimidating. But I think that if you’re going to use your voice effectively, the most important quality you need is honest emotion, putting yourself in the moment of whatever information the song is evoking.”
The Meaning of “Separate Lives”
“Separate Lives” tries to make sense of that difficult period right after a relationship has imploded, when the participants still feel connected to each other and yet need to start to get over it. The song begins with a woman calling her ex, who wishes that she had different news: All full of romance of someone you met.
In the second verse, Martin gives the woman’s side of the story: Well, I held on to let you go / And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show. In the bridge, the two trade off vocals as they talk about how it’s necessary to build an emotional wall in order to survive such a devastating breakup.
The final chorus admits a glimmer of hope, only to douse it by the cold reality of the situation: Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes / But for now we’ll go on living separate lives. Songwriter and singers came together to deliver a touching gem in “Separate Lives,” a duet that would make the decade that produced quite a lot of them very proud.
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