When it comes to coming up with the wildest (and grossest) antics of a musician quite literally high on the “sex and drugs” part of “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll,” few artists can hold a candle to Ozzy Osbourne. From snorting a line of ants to biting the head off a bat to drinking his own urine, it’s hard to imagine coming up with something rowdier and more raucous than that.
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But Ozzy’s Ozzy, so, of course, he did.
One Of Ozzy Osbourne’s Grossest Antics Happened In Germany
One of the greatest ironies of the music industry is the tumultuous relationship between the artists on the creative side and the suits on the business side. Rock ‘n’ roll and all of its subgenres practically demand a sense of rebellion against “the machine,” if we’re to use Pink Floyd’s terminology, but that machine is the mechanism that distributes said rebellious rock music to the masses. They’re two opposite sides of the same coin, and no rockstar proved how outlandish that contrast could get like Ozzy Osbourne.
A perfect example would come in 1980, when Osbourne was taking care of press for his solo debut, Blizzard of Ozz. Osbourne and his manager-slash-then-recent-girlfriend, Sharon Osbourne, went to Germany to meet with the head of CBS Europe, which planned to release the album. In his memoir, I Am Ozzy, the heavy metal pioneer described the CBS Europe head honcho as “a big, bearded, cigar-chomping bloke, and very straight.” How did Ozzy describe himself? “Out of my f***ing clock, of course.”
“We’re all sitting there at this huge table,” Osbourne continues, “and halfway through the meal, I get the idea to climb on the table and start doing a striptease. Everyone thinks it’s funny for a while. But I end up stark bollock naked, take a p*** in the CBS guy’s carafe of wine, kneel down in front of him, and kiss him on the lips. They didn’t think that was very funny. We didn’t get a record played in Germany for years afterwards. I remember being on the plain, flying out of Berlin, with Sharon ripping up the contracts and saying, ‘Well, that’s another country gone.’”
The Rockstar’s Manager And Partner, Sharon, Delivered A Reality Check
If you’re going to manage and become romantically involved with Ozzy Osbourne, you need nerves of steel and a strong stomach. Fortunately for the Black Sabbath founder, Sharon Osbourne had both. As his manager, Sharon was at the meeting with CBS Europe in Germany. She saw the entire spectacle, from Ozzy’s first hop onto the table to the mortifying act of him relieving himself into a pitcher of wine that belonged to the head of the record label planning on releasing his debut in Germany. As such, Sharon was able to clarify a few important details for Ozzy later.
After watching Sharon rip up contracts on the airplane, Ozzy said, “‘It was worth it for the striptease though, wasn’t it?’ ‘That wasn’t a striptease you were doing, Ozzy. It was a f***ing N*zi goose-step. Up and down the table. That poor German bloke looked mortified. Then you put your b**** in his f***ing wine.’ ‘I thought I p***ed in his wine?’ ‘That was before you p***ed in his wine.’” Their plane transported them from Berlin to Paris, where more nervous record label executives tried to wine and dine Ozzy. But with no stripteases or carafes to urinate in, Ozzy grew bored.
To cure his boredom, he asked a Parisian record executive to punch him in the face. The two men went back and forth for a while until finally, Ozzy wrote, “The last thing I saw was Sharon’s fist approaching my face from across the table. Then I was flat out on the floor, my nose bleeding, feeling like half my teeth were gonna fall out. ‘Are you happy now?’ She asked me. I spat out some blood and snot. ‘Very happy, cheers.’”
Photo by Brian Rasic/Getty Images
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