“I became a mother, the greatest joy I’ve known,” Goulding elaborated in her post. “I’ve had time to sit down with great musicians and writers and made exciting new music that I hope will give people who hear it the same euphoric escape that I experienced when writing it. I have released my first book, performed to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the President and Joni Mitchell (and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that privilege).”
After that, however, the English singer/songwriter opened up about how 2021 was also the “hardest of [her] life.”
“I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed,” she explained. “If I was to really think about it, my anxiety has dictated quite a lot of my life and career, and I feel sad about that. But it has also made me who I am, and sometimes at my most terrified, when I feel there is no escape from the sheer panic and dread in my heart and brain, I remind myself that I can feel. I feel so much and that is how I have got to this place in my life.
“I want to tell you this on the last day of this year because so many of you have been asking how I’m doing and often do not get a reply. It’s because I’ve been too scared to admit that the answer is, not very good. I feel like something is broken inside—something that has been echoed deeply by the few I have opened up to.”
Goulding further talked through her anxiety, and how she had shut people out in fear of revealing her pain. She also spoke directly to her fans to offer comfort and camaraderie to those also dealing with anxiety—”it’s not just you, it’s not just me.”
“I have so much love and energy for anyone going through this. Let’s get through this together. 2022 is going to be a bright year. Positive energy. Together,” she concluded. “Signing off (for a bit) and sending so much love, as ever, to you all xx.”
Read Ellie Goulding’s full Instagram post, below.
Photo by Tina Benitez-Eves.