Alexz Johnson doesn’t take the easy road on her new album, Seasons, an exercise in processing pain and loss through music.
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The Canadian singer/songwriter and actress began writing with her brother Brendan Johnson around the age of 14. As Johnson’s acting career began to flourish as an early teen, she landed roles on the Disney Channel cult classic So Weird and auditioned for commercials and TV pilots. The songs the sibling pair wrote played a pivotal part in Johnson landing the lead role of Jude Harrison on the hit Canadian TV show Instant Star, where she’d perform a new song each episode. One of those songs is “Skin.” Inspired by her first heartbreak, “Skin” beautifully blends pain and gratitude, ultimately thanking the person who broke her heart as it led her to find the love of her life. The song is a fan favorite, as it narrates the story of Johnson’s character’s father cheating on her mother in an episode of Instant Star.
“To this day, I find my writing is very accurate to where I’m at in my life and the experiences I’m experiencing,” Johnson tells American Songwriter. As one of 10 children, songwriting was born from her desire to be seen. “The only way I felt like I could be heard in such a large family was speaking out and writing music and getting my emotion out through song,” Johnson expresses, saying that a lot of her early songs stemmed from feeling “invisible. I feel like writing is a way for me to completely be transparent.”
She carries forth this spirit on her new album, Seasons, where sorrow and hope sit side by side. In 2019, Johnson’s sister was diagnosed with stage four cervical cancer. At the same time as her diagnosis, Johnson found out she was pregnant. Less than a year later in 2020, Johnson’s sister passed away just before Johnson gave birth to her first child. A month after her daughter’s birth, the COVID-19 pandemic hit and forced Johnson into isolation. Quarantining at her home in northern Canada, Johnson began to take notice of the ebbs and flows of nature surrounding her and how “quick” but “vibrant” the seasons were. But what truly stood out to her was the symbolism of life and death that existed underneath the changing seasons. “I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to write music again,” Johnson confesses. “I didn’t know if I even had it in me to continue to write, but the songs came through the pain of experiencing that and also finding the peace through that.”
Becoming a mother for the second time after welcoming her son Angus also helped Johnson find her voice, realizing the power she has in creating and releasing music as an indie artist. “I felt like I didn’t have a voice, and it really took me giving birth to realize as a woman that I do have a voice and I am going to make a record that I am proud of every part of it. It was a healing process through loss,” she professes, calling the album the “most liberating” experience. “I have to do it the hard way, especially if I want to say the stories I want to say.”
One of the defining tracks of the album is the lead single, “Hurt Me.” Behind blistering lyrics such as what kind of friend would I be / you can tear up my heart while I stand here and bleed / give all your demons to me is an unbreakable woman who vows to be a stable force for a loved one to unload the emotional burdens they can no longer carry.
“‘Hurt Me’ is unconditional love,” she observes. “We always think that we have to be a certain way in order to be valued, to be loved. We are allowed to have dark parts of ourselves, to have ugly parts of ourselves, and true love is letting somebody know that you can go there with me and I’m not going to abandon you.”
Unconditional love is at the heart of the album Johnson cites as her most transparent yet, as reflected in “Borderline,” which she wrote for her daughter that compels her to be fearless, while “Faith” encourages people to keep positivity at heart in challenging moments. Johnson also says “Other Side,” written in honor of her sister, is one of the most “important” and “emotional” songs on the album. Collectively, Seasons delivers a powerful message of finding the light even in the darkest of times.
“Through pain and heartache, you have to keep moving forward. The seasons are a perfect example of that. They show us every moment that it’s OK to change, to die, to grow, and all these things are natural, and that even when it feels impossible, you have all of that within you,” Johnson proclaims of the meaning of Seasons. “This record is really about hope.”
Photo by Matthew McWilliams
