For anyone on social media today, a few things become apparent quickly. Political conversations are horrible. People love sports. But most of all, people love to complain. Indeed, whining and complaining today is an art form. People play downtrodden roles in order to get likes.
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But some don’t let themselves fall into victim roles. Some work to triumph over hardships. One of those resilient people is k.flay, the 38-year-old, Illinois-born musician who recently lost her hearing in her right ear. Despite the at-first devastating issue, Kristine Flaherty has not let the hardship beat her.
Instead, she’s facing it head on, using humor to “de-fang” her affliction. The Grammy-nominated k.flay will release her newest album, MONO, on Friday (September 15). Below, she talks about that LP, losing her hearing, and keeping up the good fight. As usual, she is a pleasure to engage with.
American Songwriter: The new album is called MONO, and it begins with the song “Are You Serious?” You immediately talk about your hearing loss, which is obviously traumatic for anyone, especially for a professional musician and performer. How much time did you give to thinking about how you wanted to talk about that life event? And what made you want to address it with humor, like with the record title?
k.flay: “Are you serious?” was the very first song I wrote after the hearing loss when I was still in this kind of liminal state regarding my future as a musician—I wasn’t sure how recording music would feel, if I would freak out if I’d sink into a massive depression, if I’d feel invigorated. So, that song really captured a moment of reckoning, a really vulnerable moment. And I think that’s what makes it an important first track.
I didn’t want MONO to be a record about the hearing loss, per se, but I did want it to be a record about handling pain and how we build narratives around our own hardship. And the narrative I’ve been building around the hearing loss is one of growth and levity. I think a sense of humor is absolutely crucial when dealing with massive change. Humor alongside grief, neither supplanting the other.
AS: You also talked about your hearing loss on social media, seemingly almost immediately after it happened. What did sharing that news do for you, as an artist? Because I can’t help but imagine that going deaf in one ear caused anxiety about the future of your career.
k.flay: Immediately sharing the experience de-fanged it in a huge way. It took any feelings of shame out of the equation right at the start, which I know from past experience is so, so important in terms of moving forward productively. And with a new disability, I sensed that there was the potential for shame. So, I wanted to prevent that.
AS: Hearing loss aside, what was the genesis of the new album? How did it start, and what songs manifested early on? How did it feel as you were making it?
k.flay: The genesis of the album was really a feeling of: I want to make a modern rock record, a record that feels connected to Every Where is Some Where, my second album, a record that feels saturated both sonically and lyrically. I wanted to make something dense. and I’ve been on this journey of self-acceptance and honesty, a journey of sobriety, a journey of rigor, and all of that was informing my perspective. I felt really energized making this record. really powerful. This album healed me, in a way. My hearing is still gone of course, but the process of making MONO was like a spiritual balm.
AS: Do you have a favorite song or lyric or one you’ve been enjoying performing as of late?
k.flay: I love playing “Punisher.” In a lot of ways, that song is the thesis of the record. We often look around the world, trying to locate “the enemy,” when all of the battles are ultimately taking place inside of our own heads. That realization is so powerful.
AS: How do you feel today in your career? You’ve achieved a lot and you have many years ahead of you, should you want to keep pursuing music and being in the public eye. Do you feel at any particular life- or creative crossroads? Or is it full steam straight ahead?
k.flay: I feel like a born-again musician. I had this incredibly bizarre experience that threatened my way of life, and my career, and the response I had was an immediate recommitment to the path. In a weird way, having a genuine opt-out moment brought me back in even harder. Like, I love this work, even though it’s chaotic and insane and no one understands TikTok and A.I. bots are writing pop songs. I love the shitty weird parts of touring and I love giving mix notes and I’m just grateful I made my 5th fucking studio record and there are people out there who want to hear it.
AS: How has touring been like given your new auditory reality?
k.flay: Surprisingly, not that different. When I’m playing a show, I’m sort of in a hyper-focused blackout state, and I don’t notice very much about my sensory experience of the world. So, the hearing loss hasn’t impacted that part too much. The hardest adjustment has been tolerating my tinnitus. The very strange part of what happened to me is that I lost my hearing in my right ear, but I now have constant, really severe tinnitus in that same ear. The ringing is exacerbated by noisy environments. So, touring has been a challenge in that way, because everywhere on tour is noisy. The bus is noisy, the green room is noisy, and the show is noisy. I’m still learning how to not let the tinnitus make me go insane.
AS: Have you discovered aspects of your career, of music, of the world around you that you see or process differently, literally or metaphorically, now given the change in your physical life?
k.flay: Absolutely. When you only have one ear working, it’s hard to be in crowded places and know what the hell is happening. I find myself at sea a lot now, trying to make sense of what I’m hearing, but only catching bits and pieces. At first, I felt incredibly sad about that, the loss of social ease, I guess. But lately, I’ve been able to inhabit an observer role at parties and dinners and stuff that’s actually pretty interesting. I pay more attention to body language, facial expressions, and how people move. I don’t feel like I need to be at the center of things. I take in the world a bit differently.
AS: If today was your birthday, how would you plan the perfect day?
k.flay: A perfect day for me is all of my friends and family in one place, just talking, being together. And then we eat nothing but bundt cakes. I’m obsessed with those cakes. And if the Nothing Bundt Cake people are reading this, yes I will be your spokesperson.
AS What are your plans for the future, personally or professionally?
k.flay: After the record comes out, more touring, more songwriting with other artists. I’ll also be building a studio in my new house, which I can’t wait to do.
What do you love most about music today?
k.flay: That genre doesn’t matter as much as it used to. It seems like people are just excited by good music. And that excites me.
Photo by Justin Bettman/ Courtesy Stunt Company
