Over the course of human history, there are several big questions that almost every person bumps up against in their lifetime. Such is the foundation of existentialism, after all. And one of those big questions is, inevitably, What happens after I die? or What happens after my family member dies?
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Given that this query is both common and, at least from a scientific perspective, unanswerable, people have come together in the community and used their sense of spirituality and faith to find guidance in times of doubt, curiosity, or confusion.
But at the end of the day, since no one has been to the afterlife and come back to tell their story as of yet, we can, well, only imagine what that space and feeling is like. And that is exactly what the song “I Can Only Imagine,” by the Christian Rock group MercyMe, is all about.
The band has given voice to the reality of not knowing. But who wrote the song and how did it come to be?
F*ck Cancer
Growing up, Bart Millard’s father was a monster, which Millard would acknowledge. He was angry and he was violent, beating his son severely several times. Millard’s parents divorced and Millard was sent to live with his mom after one particular severe beating. But then something happened. Millard’s father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Millard has talked about his connection to his faith and spirituality increasing as his father’s health worsened. And their relationship improved too. Millard even called him his best friend and the Godliest man he knew. For a faith that includes the Saul to Paul story, Millard’s father’s conversion was one to celebrate.
Grandmothers are the Best
After his father’s death, Millard stumbled upon a phrase he’d written down in a notebook, “I can only imagine.” His grandmother had said it several times, wondering what Millard’s father was doing and seeing in the afterlife. He liked the phrase and began playing around with it. Eventually, he wrote a song that would be the final song on the band’s 1999 album, The Worship Project.
The song wonders aloud what it would be like to be in heaven, standing in front of Jesus.
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine
Yeah
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
The central wondering, said Millard to Fox News, stemmed from his questioning God. Why was God so great? Why was it better for his father to be with God than to be with him? Once he had the idea, the lyrics were written in a matter of minutes.
“I was always told that if [my father] could choose, he would rather be in Heaven than here with me,” said Millard. As a Christian, I believed that, but as an 18-year-old it was a little hard to swallow. So the questions in the song came from me asking God what was so great about Him that my dad would rather be there.”
The Song’s Performance
Turns out, Millard’s expression of imagination, doubt, and faith was shared by many. Since its release, the song has become the most-played track in the history of Christian radio. It also hit No. 71 on the Billboard Hot 100, after some of the lyrics were adapted for commercial radio. The song has been certified platinum five times and Millard’s story was adapted into a movie, starring Dennis Quaid.
Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images
