The second Weezer album was supposed to be a rock opera called Songs From The Black Hole. A galaxy-wide odyssey written by Rivers Cuomo to reflect his experience following the success of Weezer’s self-titled debut, colloquially called the Blue Album.
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Though the opera went unfinished, some songs survived. And one of them, “I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams”, feels like the point between Black Hole and what became Weezer’s second album, Pinkerton.
The song follows a love affair between Jonas and Laurel, two characters involved in a love triangle with a “bad girl” named Maria. Laurel is portrayed by Rachel Haden, who sings on the track with Cuomo, who portrays the opera’s protagonist, Jonas.
About the Song
In “I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams”, Laurel sings about her failing romance with Jonas. The doomed relationship also foreshadows what was to come as Cuomo’s songwriting became darker once he enrolled at Harvard to study classical composition. While fame brought its own kind of isolation, Cuomo felt even more secluded as a student.
His rock opera reflected how he felt after the colossal success of Weezer. And his confused feelings about the music business and his own talents materialized into the frustrated confessionals that became Pinkerton.
I’m so tall, can’t get over me
I’m so low, can’t get under me.
I must be all these things
For I just threw out the love of my dreams.
While touring with Weezer in 1993, Cuomo listened to Jesus Christ Superstar and Les Misérables, among other works. They inspired him to add drama and complexity to Weezer’s music. He ultimately abandoned the idea, but “I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams” became a beloved Pinkerton B-side. It also appears on the deluxe edition of the album.
He’s in my eyes, he is in my ears
He’s in my blood, he is in my tears.
I breathe love and see him every day
Even though my love is a world away.
The ‘Pinkerton’ Diaries
Cuomo had documented the years between Weezer’s debut and its follow-up, which he later compiled into The Pinkerton Diaries. There’s an entry from 1994 where he writes about the story of “A young man [Jonas] faced with choosing one of two women,” Laurel and Maria.
He analogized his skyrocketing career with space travel, along with the competing interests of being a rock star and wanting to be taken seriously as a composer. And the boredom from life on a tour bus only added to his ambivalence toward the music industry.
In the opera, Jonas becomes disillusioned and wishes for a simpler life. Cuomo probably wanted the same, but it was too late for that after he’d released one of the most acclaimed rock debuts in history.
Compared to the Blue Album, Pinkerton failed commercially and confused listeners. But in retrospect, it’s a raw masterpiece by a young man spiraling out of control. Like Jonas.
Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images for The Recording Academy
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